At Fairfield, we highlight in presentations and with our clients the importance of listening. Even when there is no outright conflict and trust is high, listening is often difficult when there is a lot to say. Good listening is not only a skill that requires attention and practice (even in the best of times), it is also the most important tool if people want to move forward together in some fashion.
So, what about the worst of times: when differences are stark; when there is a lot at stake; and, when tensions are high and we feel threatened or angry? In these times, rarely do we get to the point of applying our skills and tools because our attitudes get in the way. We frequently see conflict as wrong or abnormal… that it shouldn’t exist. That differences in-and-of-themselves indicate weakness and failure. When we view conflict in these terms, our shutting down or exploding become short-circuited ways to deal with the issues.
The truth is, and I know this will shock most readers, conflict is... normal. Conflict happens all the time!… at home, at work, in our car, in places of worship, at the checkout counter, at sporting events, in town halls, and when we least expect it. What if in these times people more frequently viewed conflict as normal…? What if we didn’t become so anxious so quickly and told ourselves that conflict is going to happen… that it is natural?
What if we would go even a step further (without getting too touchy-feely) and tell ourselves that there is a chance that through our differences we may find even greater engagement, better ideas, and higher quality outcomes?
- Timothy Ruebke, Executive Director